Ill Wind Lyrics

Flanders & Swann Ill Wind

I once had a whim and I had to obey it To buy a French Horn in a second-hand shop; I polished it up and I started to play it In spite of the neighbours who begged me to stop.

To sound my Horn, I had to develop my embouchure; I found my Horn was a bit of a devil to play.

So artfully wound To give you a sound, A beautiful sound so rich and round.

Oh, the hours I had to spend Before I mastered it in the end.

But that was yesterday and just today I looked in the usual place- There was the case but the Horn itself was missing.

Oh, where can it have gone? Haven't you-hasn't anyone seen my Horn? Oh, where can it have gone? What a blow! Now I know I'm unable to play my Allegro.

Who swiped that Horn? I'll bet you a quid Somebody did, Knowing I'd found a concerto and wanted to play it, Afraid of my talent at playing the Horn. For early today to my utter dismay it had vanished away like the dew in the mom.

I've lost that Hom-I know I was using it yesterday. I've lost that Horn, lost that Horn, found that Horn ... gorn. There's not much hope of getting it back though I'd willingly pay a reward.

I know some Hearty Folk whose party joke's Pretending to hunt with the Quorn, Gone away! Gone away! Was it one of them took it away? Will you kindly return that Horn? Where is the devil who pinched my Horn?

I shall tell the Police I want that French Horn back. I miss its music more and more and more. Without that Horn I'm feeling sad and so forlorn.

I found a concerto, I wanted to play it, Displaying my talent at playing the Horn, But early today to my utter dismay it had totally vanished away. I practised the Horn, and I wanted to play it but somebody took it away. I practised the Horn and was longing to play it but somebody took it away.

My neighbour's asleep in his bed. I'll soon make him wish he were dead. I'll take up the Tuba instead!

---- One of the great problems in the world today is undoubtedly this problem of not being able to talk to scientists, because we don't understand science. They can't talk to us because they don't understand anything else, poor dears. This problem, I think it was C.P. Snow first raised it - Sir Charles Snow in private life - in his books Science and Government and so on. Mind you, I haven't read it. I'm waiting for the play to come.

He says, quite rightly, he says it's no good going up to a scientist and saying to him as you would to anybody else, you know, "good morning, how are you, lend me a quid" and so on, I mean he'll just glare at you or make a rude retort or something. No, you have to speak to him in language that he'll understand. I mean you go up to him and say something like, "Ah, H2SO4 Professor! Don't synthesize anything I wouldn't synthesize. Oh, and the reciprocal of pi to your good wife." Now, this he will understand.

Snow says that nobody can consider themselves educated who doesn't know at least the basic language of science. I mean things like Sir Edward Boyle's Law, for example - the greater the external pressure, the greater the volume of hot air. The simple . . . or . . . the Second Law of Thermodynamics, this is very important. I wasn't so much shocked the other day to discover that my partner not only doesn't know the Second Law, he doesn't even know the First Law of Thermodynamics!

Going back to first principles, very briefly: thermodynamics, of course, is derived from two Greek words, thermos, meaning hot - if you don't drop it - and dynamics, meaning dynamic, work; and thermodynamics is simply the science of heat and work, and the relationships between the two as laid down in the Laws of Thermodynamics, which may be expressed in the following simple terms - after me, Donald