Leslie Fish Advice To Would-be Heroes
So want you go earning your keep with your sword
And you think it can't be too hard–
And you dream becoming a hero or lord
With your praises sung out by some bard
Well now, let met hen venture to give you advice
And when all of my lecture is done
We will see if my words have not made you think twice
About whether adventuring is “fun!”
Now before you seek shelter or food for yourself
Go seek first for those things for your beast
For he is worth far more than praises or pelf
Though a fool things to value him least.
It you’ve ever a moment at leisure to spare
Than devote it, as if to your god,
To his grooming, and practice, and weapons-repair
And seeing you both are well-shod
Eat you lightly and sparingly – never full-fed –
For a full belly founders you mind
Ah, but sleep when you can - it is better then bread -
For on night-watch no rest you will find
Do not boast up your skill, for there is always one
more
Who would prove he is better then you
Treat sword-ladies like sisters, and not like some
whore
Or your wenching days, child, will be few
When you look for a captain, then look for a man
Who think first of his men and their beasts,
And who listens to scouts, and has more than one plan,
And heeds not to the stupid priests
And if you become captain, when choosing your man
Do not look at the “Heroes” at all
For a hero dies young – rather choose yourself ten
Or a dozen whose prides not so tall
Now your Sword-master’s god – whosoever he be –
When he stands there before you to teach
And don’t argue or whine, think to mock foolishly
Or you’ll soon be consulting a leech!
Now most booty is taken by generals and kings
And there is little that’s left for the low
So it’s best to learn skills, or work at odd things
To keep food in your mouth as you go
And last, if you should chance to reach equal my years
You must find you a new kind of trade
For a plea that you’re still spry will fall on deaf
ears –
There’s no work for old swords, I’m afraid
Now if all what I’ve told you has not changed your mind
Then I’ll teach you best as I can.
For you’re stubborn, like me, and like me of the kind
Becomes one fine Swords-woman or man!