Jake Thackray On Again! On Again!
I love a good bum on a woman, it makes my day.
To me it is palpable proof of God's existence, a
posteriori.
Also I love breasts and arms and ankles, elbows, knees;
It's the tongue, the tongue, the tongue on a woman that
spoils the job for me.
Please understand I respect and admire the frailer sex
And I honour them every bit as much as the next
misogynist.
But give some women the ghost of a chance to talk and
thereupon
They go on again, on again, on again, on again, on
again, on again, on.
I fell in love with a woman with wonderful thighs and
hips
And a sensational belly. I just never noticed her lips
were always moving.
Only when we got to the altar and she had to say "I do"
And she folded her arms and gathered herself and took
in a breath and I knew
She could have gone on again, on again, on again till
the entire
Congregation passed out and the vicar passed on and the
choirboys passed through puberty.
At the reception I gloomily noted her family's jubilant
mood,
Their maniacal laughter and their ghastly gratitude.
She talks to me when I go for a shave or a sleep or a
swim.
She talks to me on a Sunday when I go singing hymns and
drinking heavily.
When I go mending my chimney pot she's down there in
the street,
And at ninety-five on my motorbike she's on the pillion
seat
Wittering on again, on again, on and again and again.
When I'm eating or drinking or reading or thinking or
when I'm saying my rosary.
She will never stop talking to me; she is one of those
women who
Will never use three or four words when a couple of
thousand will easily do!
She also talks without stopping to me in our bed of a
night;
Throughout the sweetest of our intimate delights she
never gives over.
Not even stopping while we go hammer and tongs towards
the peak -
Except maybe for a sigh and a groan and one perfunctory
shriek.
Then she goes on again, on again, on again on and I
must
Assume that she has never noticed that she's just been
interrupted.
Totally unruffled she is, and as far as I can see
I might just as well have been posting a letter or
stirring up the tea!
She will not take a hint, not once she's made a start.
I can yawn or belch or bleed or faint or fart - she'll
not drop a syllable.
I could stand in front of her grimly sharpening up an
axe,
I could sprinkle her with paraffin, and ask her for a
match -
She'd just go on again, on again, on again even more.
The hind leg of a donkey is peanuts for her, she can
bore the balls off a buffalo.
"Mother of God," I cried one day, "Oh, let your kingdom
come
"And in the meantime, Mother, could you strike this
bugger dumb?"
Well, believe it or not, she appeared to me then and
there:
The Blessed Virgin herself, in answer to my prayer,
despite the vulgarity,
Shimmering softly, dressed in blue and holding up a
hand.
I cocked a pious ear as the Mother of God began.
Well she went on again, on again, on again, on, and I
Will have to state how very much I sympathise with the
rest of the family.
Give some women the ghost of a chance to talk and
thereupon
They go on again, on again, on again, on again,
And again, and again, and again, and again
They will go on again, on again, on again, on again, on
again, on again, on.