George Carlin Opening
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'd like to-
Thank you, thanks you.
I'd like to begin by saying f..ck Lance Armstrong.
F..ck him and his balls and his bicycles and his steroids and his yellow shirts.
And the dumb, empty expression on his face, I'm tired of that asshole.
And while you're at it, f..ck Tiger Woods, too!
There's another jack-off I can do without. I'm tired of being told who to admire in this country.
Aren't you sick of being told who your heroes ought to be?
You know, you get told who you ought to be looking up to.
I'll choose my own heroes, thank you very much.
And f..ck Dr. Phil, too!
Dr. Phil said I should express my emotions, so that's what I'm doing.
Now, since the last time I rolled through these parts, and I do roll through with some frequency, I'm a little bit like herpes, I keep coming back!
