George Carlin Good Sports
Football is weird anyway, man. Football is because we're "Europe, Jr." We came from Europe, man; we're Europe Jr.. We really got it all down. We play the Europe game. What is the Europe game? "Let's take their f..cking land!" "You'll marry the queen of Sweden and have a boy. Then we'll merge with Austerania. Then we'll sell out to the Germany and take the Russians back and we'll take this from France and merge with Italy and take that from the other people and the Swiss and merge together and you'll be the green on the map and we'll be the pink and you'll be the blue.
That's what we did here, man. What is football- our national pastime game now, it is. And what is it except eleven people line up, beat the shit out of the other guys and take their land. It's a ground acquisition game. 'Cept we only take it ten yards at a time. That's what we did to the Indians- work 'em a little bit at a time. "First down in Pennsylvania...Midwest to go."
Yeah, football is really..uh, well they moved the hash marks in...The guys found 'em and they smoked 'em anyway, ya know what I mean? Well they say there's a lotta drugs in football. They talk about 'ups'; they talk about uppers and speed and they talk about amphetamines. They talk about Dexamyl spansules. They talk about "greenies". That's what the football players call 'em. GREENIES! 'Cause football players are into colors. "LITTLE GREEN! We'll fight for the green and the white! Gimme the green! Never mind the bullshit! Gimme those!" F..ckin' shit goes on in the locker room- "There's a lotta speed on this team, Bill." "I know, I was downstairs before the game." Look out for this shit. Football players understand colors. They check off at the line of scrimmage- "Green, white, 27, green, white, 27- bullshit, I had 13, gimme those!" Y'know, fight over them.
Why is that football teams have only two colors and countries have three? Why should a football player sing to the red, white and blue and then get his ass kicked for just the red and the blue? Football colors are bullshit anyway. When I was in high school, they said we were fighting for the 'cardinal and gold'. It was red and yellow, man. F..ckin' red and yellow! Cardinal and gold, my ass. I always wanted to go to a high school where the colors were ultraviolet and flesh tone. "And we'll win for the fleeeeesssh!" "The big flesh wave rolled down the field today."