Tom Cardy Naughty Or Nice
[Intro]
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I don't really care so I'm checking it once
Labor laws and we're short on supplies
So I'm taking liberties with the naughty or nice
[Verse 1]
Johnny is a good boy and donates his money
But he thinks Dane Cook is funny, naughty
Danica owns a car and gives her friends rides
Even though they don't go far she makes them pay for petrol, naughty
Michael farts in his hand then holds it on his brother's face
Pretty f..cking funny but also pretty naughty
Joanna says thank you, is generally good
But all her answers on dating apps are food, that's basic
[Chorus]
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I'm the big boy, so I decidе, baby
If everybody's on the naughty list
It mеans that I don't have to deliver shit
[Spoken Interlude: Geoffrey, Santa]
Hey, Santa, do you have a moment?
Oh, hello Geoffrey, back so soon from your court-mandated coffee break, you Marxist f..ck?
You can't talk to me that Santa, and you gotta stop taking liberties with the naughty list, okay?
I can do whatever I want, I'm Santa Claus, baby
Why don't you go make me some more PS5s you lazy little communist?
That's not the point
You've made me seventeen PS5s
They are very difficult
For the entire f..cking world so why don't you stay in your lane, Geoffrey?
Santa, as your head of staff, I strongly advise-
Oh, now you're strongly advising me, are you?
Come on, mate-
Whose face is on a Coca Cola bottle, Geoffrey?
Not getting into this-
Is it your face, Geoffrey?
Just listen-
Have they started a new campaign? Geoffrey, have I been drinking old Coca Cola
And have somehow missed your f..cking face on all of the new Coca Cola bottles, huh?
Fuck you, Santa
Fuck off, Geoffrey
[Verse 2]
Phillip was named Phillip when he was born
But he makes his friends call him Felipe, I think that's naughty
Chris Pratt doing an Italiano accent for Mario
Here we go, right on my naughty list
A naughty man named Billy who touches his dirty willy
When he thinks no one is watching, I'm watching, that's naughty
Every single elf that signed up to unionize, here is a surprise, you are all assholes
All through the year, I've been watching you
While you're been asleep, while you've been awake
While you've learnt to bake bread
I hear you say "I want to be the best me"
Fucking baking bread is boring, and that makes you naughty
"I'm gonna start rollerskating" then you spend your time inside
Drinking red wine and masturbating, naughty
Eleven months of the year my job is just to watch you
So next year find something f..cking entertaining to do
[Pre-Chorus: Santa, Geoffrey]
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I couldn't give a f..ck and you can check on that twice, baby
And if I hear you complaining about me
I slap you harder than I slap that massive elf nerd, Geoffrey
Fuck you, Santa
No, f..ck you, Geoffrey
[Chorus]
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I'm the big boy, so I get what I like, baby
And what I like is telling every boy and girl
In the whole wide world that they're very, very, very not good
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I'm the big boy, and I'm bona fide, baby
If everybody's on the naughty list, it means that
Santa Claus does not owe you shit
