Stephen Lynch For Me
The union of a woman and a man,
Touching for the very first time;
The gentle texture of a hand,
True love is always hard to find.
And sometimes – my penis ain’t as hard as wood.
And sometimes – you’re disappointed in my manlihood.
I can’t take it, please:
Fake it for me.
The delicate nature of love
Can only make this relationship grow.
And though it’s sent from heaven above,
Things don’t always work down below
And I know – that the porno movies make you feel cheap.
And sometimes – you finish while I’m fast asleep
I can’t take it, please:
Fake it for me.
I try so hard to be a man, but
You’re so damn hard to please
Doesn’t help to know your best friend
Runs on batteries.
I can’t take it, please:
Fake it for me.
Even though – my love’s a little premature,
When you call me “Mr. Softee,” I get...insecure.
I can’t take it —
Please, fake it —
For me.