Mike Birbiglia The Guitar Guy At The Party
I'm the guitar guy at the party
I'm the guitar guy and I think I'll drink a Coke and Bacardi
It might seem like I'm just havin' fun
But I'm actually not
I'm trying to sleep with your girlfriend
Listen to me as I play this song
Cause I'm gonna play it regardless
I'm only playin' three chords
So i can make eye contact
With different women in the room
I'm gonna try and sleep with your girlfriend
But I'm gonna make it sound like we have a really special bond
And we should keep it secret...
You know that your boyfriend really takes you for granted
When was the last time he told you your eyes look like space crystals?
If you wanna come by my place later
It'd be cool
It's not gonna be like last time
I totally understand why that freaked you out
Maybe if I play "Free Fallin'" then
Someone'll give me a handjob
Or maybe they'll just sit on my lap
And the friction will cause me to have an erection
An erection I'll make sure that you won't feel
Cause I'm classy
And I'm gonna shift it to the left
And I'm gonna shift it to the right
And I'm gonna create a mental image in my head
Like guys in prison taking a group shower
Here's my story
I'm gonna make sure that I tell it in the proper order
I went to arts camp as a kid and I played the recorder
Then I learned that recorders are for losers
And guitars get chicks and
Now when I feel like a loser
I take this out and sing "Wonderwall" by Oasis
I play mostly covers
Cat Stevens and Beatles and a couple of others
I do some original songs too but they're not as well received...
"Christ is God, Christ is God"
But I still want that handjob
Cause I'm the guitar guy
I'm the guitar guy
I'm the guitar guy
I'm the guitar guy...
