Half Man Half Biscuit Letters Sent
Keeper you’ve just made a decent save
So why d’you feel the need to rant and rave
Screaming at defenders
Makes you look dead stupid
Especially when they haven’t done much wrong
Please cease the trait
Thank you to whoever found my purse
Also when I fell, the passing nurse
And when in my coma
As I tried to bludgeon
Chartist demonstrators in the square
Those on the ward
Yours, much restored
I disagree entirely with your choice
Peetie Wheatstraw had a better voice
I’d like to warn your readers
Stapely Water Gardens
A nice day out but best to take a flask
Dear Miss McVey
It pains me to say
The school choir was dull
And the blame lies with you
Sewage farm an absolute disgrace
Picnic table somewhat out of place
Leisure centre cashpoint
Always out of order
And there’s too much chlorine in the pool
Thirteen across
Where was the clue?
Bird on the wire
Len, you’re the dogs’
