Half Man Half Biscuit Upon Westminster Bridge
Same old Hampstead
Ken Hom Wok Set
Dead Sea bath salts
Jog-proof iPod
Iron Age hill fort
Long term roadworks
High tide bird watch
B&Q Homebase
If Jesus came to Earth today
They’d crucify him straight away
Upon a cross of MDF
And they’d use No Need For Nails
Ship-shape farmhouse
Dry stone wall chart
Cash-back foot spa
Straight down Ladbrokes
Low cost school trip
Ramraid Oxfam
Christ that sun’s hot
Yes that’s right sir
Oh help me Mrs Medlicott
I don’t know what to do
I’ve only got three bullets
And there’s four of Motley Crue
Spoiling Good Friday my ex-love sent to me
Twelve drummers singing
Eleven chairmen dancing
Ten mascots whinging
Nine stewards flapping
Eight christening invites
Seven cows a-barking
Six vicars strumming
Nick f..cking Knowles
Four boring words
Carphone Warehouse and Matalan
And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee
I’m driving backwards at peak hour
Along the Edgware Road
