Wonderful Town Pass The Football
Look at me now
Four years of college
Famous professors
Tutoring me
Scholarship kid
Everything paid for
Food and vacations
All of it free
Day that I left
Everyone gathered
Their cheering still rings in my ears
Ray Wreck rah
Rah Wreck Ray
Rah Wreck
Wreck rah
Rah Wreck, Wreck
Wreck, we love you
'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Couldn't spell a lick
Couldn't do arithmetic
One and one made three
Thought that dog was C A T
But I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Couldn't write my name
Couldn't translate 'je vous aime'
Never learned to read
Mother Goose or Andre Gide
But I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Couldn't figure riddles
Puzzles made me pout
Where the hell was Moses
When the lights went out?
I couldn't even tell red from green
Get those verbs through my bean
But I was buddies with the dean
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Passed without a fuss
English Lit. and Calculus
Never had to cram
Even passed the bar exam
'Cause I passed that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Couldn't dance for beans
Mashed my girls to smithereens
Sometimes blood was spilled
Still my card was always filled
'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Then there was the week
Albert Einstein came to speak
'Relativity'
Guess who introduced him? Me
'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever seen
Had no table manners
Used to dunk my roll
Always drunk the water from the fingerbowl
Though I would not get up for any she
The prexy's Mom, age ninety-three
Got up and gave her seat to me
Like nothin' you did ever see
In our hall of fame
There's a statue with my name
There we stand, by heck
Lincoln, Washington and Wreck
'Cause I could pass that football
Like nothin' you have ever, ever seen
