William Finn Stupid Things I Won't Do
[ADAM]
Reading papers when there ain't a review
Is a stupid thing
And I won't do it
When I read I want to read something new
Or why read anything at all
Wars will always happen
There's always strife
But opening a show
Just happens one time in its life
And that's why reading papers when there ain't a review
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
No no no...
You can kill me
You can grill me
You can cuff me on the ear
I still won't do
You can boot me
You can shoot me
But that's not a thing that I will do
Men may laugh
And women may chortle
But there's a reason I'm immortal
And reading rags when they're ain't a review
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
(spoken)
And another thing, while we're on the subject
(sung)
Making movies in Hollywood-
Stupid thing
I won't do it
Bet your booties I'd be god damned good
But that's not a game that I will play
I'm a seasoned actor
I don't skate, I don't dive
The only roles I want
Are roles where I'm performing live in person
Making movies in Hollywood:
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
No, no, you can kill me
You can bill me
You can nail me to the wall
I still won't do it
You can maim me
Defame me
But there are certain things I won't pursue
I've achieved my awesome potential
By focusing on what's essential
And making movies, Hollywood:
Stupid!
Living life like a normal person:
Stupid thing
I won't do it
After five minutes as a normal person
You can lock me in a mental ward
And throw away the key
Though I live with passion and joy and rage
The only time I feel alive is when I'm on the stage
And that is why living life
Like a normal person
Is a stupid thing that I won't do
No, no
I need theater
I love theater
It's the food that I eat
Eight times a week
God bless theater
Life is weirder
Maybe not, but whi;s to say
What can be more prim and officious
Than cleaning floors and washing dishes
Good for them
Who can do those things
But they're not the things that I can do
No, no, no
Good for them
Who can do thise things
But they're not things that I can
Do do do do do do do do do do do do
Those are things that I can't
Never have
Never will
Be able to do