Wilbur Soot Your New Boyfriend
Life isn't quite what I thought it'd be
When I was a kid on VoIP
I thought when I'd get older, I'd marry her
I told her
But now I'm 26, work in an office
9 'til 5, not the best, I'll be honest
If I could change a single thing
I'd make it me and not him
But she's living the dream
Oh, she's living the dream
From back when we were seventeen
Oh, yeah, I've met Jared
('Course I've met Jared)
The one who took you away from me
You hit it off instantly
I know, 'cause you won't stop telling me
I've seen his jawline, shoulders, and muscles
Push against his fashion sense
I've thought about what he looks like nude
(I'm not gay, though)
But he's in your bed
And I'm in your Twitch chat
I've got your key
But he's just the doormat
And even though he's got social skills
Doesn't mean I can't pay the bills
Anyway, make the most of him
'Cause she moves on pretty bloody quick
Oh-oh, 'cause your new boyfriend's an arsehole