Cemetery Polka Lyrics

Tom Waits Cemetery Polka

Uncle Vernon
Uncle Vernon
Independent as a
Hog on ice
He's a big shot down there
At the slaughterhouse
He plays accordion
For Mr. Weiss
Uncle Bittmore and
Uncle William
Made a
Million during
World War II
But they're tightwads
And they're
Cheap skates

And they'll never give a dime to you
Auntie Mame
Has gone
Insane
She lives in
The doorway of an old hotel
And the
Radio's playing opera and
All she ever says
Is go to Hell.
Uncle Violet
Flew as pilot
He said there
Ain't no pretty
Girls in France
Now he runs a
Tiny little
Bookie joint they say
He never
Keeps it in his pants
Uncle Bill
Will never leave a will
And the tumour is as
Big as an egg
He has a mistress
She's a Puerto Rican
And I heard she has
A wooden leg.
Uncle Phil
Can't live without his pills
He has emphysema and
He's almost blind
And we must find out
Where the money is
Get it now
Before he loses his mind