Phoebe Kreutz Oh Elizabeth I
If you're feeling lonely and if you're feeling blue and
things are at their worst/If you know your history then
just what I do: Sing a song about Elizabeth the First/
Some say she was a tyrant. She was mean to all her
vassals/But then hey, I wasn't there. Maybe her vassals
all were assholes/And her daddy left four step moms with
the women that he wedded/And he got a little paranoid and
had her mom beheaded/And her cousin tried to kill her so
she locked her in a garrison/It makes your folks divorce
seem pretty minor by comparison/Oh, Elizabeth, get some
sleep/Take that crazy crown on off your head/The Spanish
armada has been battled back to Spain/And now you run the
middle ages from the middle of your bed/She had a lot of
suitors. Lots of princes made a pass at her/I bet that
once or twice she would make out with an ambassador/But
the couriers and courtiers were uppity and boring/She had
crushes on explorers but they always went exploring/So
she never kept a king. She held her independence higher
and/Her sexual frustration, she just took it out on
Ireland/Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep/Wipe that crazy
frown on off your head/The Catholic insurgents are all
lying in a ditch/And now you run the middle ages from the
middle of your bed/And they named a colony after her/And
they called it Virginia cuz she's the Virgin Queen/Which
seems to me awfully personal/Oh, Elizabeth, get some
sleep/Wipe those crazy tears on off your head/Your poets
and your pirates they all like you as a friend/And you
run the middle ages from the middle of your bed
