Jonathan Coulton The Presidents
Washington came first and he was perfect
John Adams kept us out of war with France
Jefferson made a Louisiana Purchase
In 1812 James Madison kicked the British in the pants
James Monroe told Europe they could suck it
John Quincy Adams looked just like his Dad
Andrew Jackson got rid of all the indians
Van Buren served one term but he wasn’t bad
William Henry Harrison died early
John Tyler annexed Texas from Mexico
James K. Polk fought Mexico to keep it
John Taylor was a Mexican War hero
Fillmore gave a boat to Commodore Perry
Pierce repealed the Missouri Compromise
Buchanan saw the Civil War’s beginnings
Lincoln saved the Union, then he died
Andrew Johnson just survived impeachment
General Grant enjoyed a drink or two
Rutherford B. Hayes ended reconstruction
Garfield was assassinated in 1882
Arthur suspended Chinese immigration
Cleveland made the railroad people squirm
Harrison signed the Sherman Anti-Trust Act
Then Grover Cleveland served another term
McKinley kept the Spanish out of Cuba
Roosevelt was handy with a gun
Taft was big and fat and had a mustache
Wilson kicked some ass in World War I
Harding said let’s laissez faire with business
Coolidge made the roaring 20’s roar
Hoover screwed the pooch in the Great Depression
Then Roosevelt beat the Nazis in a war
Truman dropped the bomb on Hiroshima
Eisenhower kept the commies well in hand
Kennedy was killed by a magic bullet
Johnson murdered kids in Vietnam
Nixon was a sweating filthy liar
Ford gave Nixon pardon for his crimes
Carter lusted in his heart for peanuts
Reagan won the Cold War and lost his mind
George Bush senior poked at Sadam Hussein
Clinton gave an intern a cigar
W’s legacy’s a work in progress
And that is all the presidents so far
In the year 2005 we’re out of money
Somewhere surely freedom’s on the march
And I don’t like to make political statements
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