John Kander The Woman's Dead
Carmen (spoken):
Jessica Cranshaw will never be better than she was this
evening.
Bobby:
But she was horrible.
Carmen:
I know. But she’ll never better. She’s dead.
That was the hospital on the phone. In terms of future
performances,
Jessica Cranshaw now has a conflict.
Georgia:
Chris, do you want to say something to the company
about Jessica?
Chris:
Shall we all observe a moment of silence …
to match the audience’s response to Jessica’s first
number?
Aaron:
Chris!
Chris:
Oh, all right. Jessica was part of our company and now
we part company.
I’m sure we shall all remember her in our thoughts and
in our resumes.
And now as thespians, I know you’d like to express your
sorrow,
both as a tribute and as an acting exercise. Sasha—F
Sharp minor.
All (sung):
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Carmen:
The woman’s dead
The woman’s dead
Aaron:
Go tell her fans to change their plans
The woman’s dead
Nikki:
Would someone care
To say a prayer?
Aaron:
Who might that be?
Chris:
Don’t look at me
Carmen, Aaron, and Chris:
The woman’s dead
All:
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The woman’s dead
She’s dead and gone
Bobby:
She’s flown the coop
And now our troupe is minus one
Nikki:
She sang each word
The angels heard
They closed her mouth and shipped her south
Bobby and Nikki:
The woman’s done
All:
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The woman’s dead
The woman’s dead
Bambi:
She was a bitch
Chris:
And under pitch
Bambi:
And now she’s dead
All:
Our star is dead
Aaron:
She had no voice
Oscar:
She had no wits
Carmen:
She had no brains
She just had tits
Aaron and Carmen:
And now she’s dead
All:
The woman’s dead
The woman’s dead
Johnny:
She’s taking ten
’Til God knows when
The woman’s dead
Men:
The skies are blue
Nikki:
Her lips are too
All:
Can’t blow her nose
Can’t shake her head
See for yourself
It’s like I said
The woman’s definitely
Positively …
Cioffi (spoken):
Excuse me, I’m Lt. Frank Cioffi of the greater Boston
Police.
I’m assigned to the homicide division and, oh, it’s an
honor
to be standing on the same stage with each and every
one of you!
All (sung):
Dead! Dead! Dead!
