John Kander It's A Business
CARMEN:
I’VE NEVER BEEN KNOWN AS ONE OF THOSE STUPID CLUCKS
ELAINE
BAMBI:
Bambi
CARMEN:
WHO PISSES AWAY A LOT OF HER HARD EARNED BUCKS ELAINE
BAMBI:
Bambi
CARMEN:
BUT LET’S FACE IT YOUR COLORATURA SUCKS BAMBI,
THOUGH IT BREAKS YOUR MOTHER’S HEART,
FORGET ABOUT THE PART,
IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO KNOW
WHY I REALLY BACKED THIS SHOW.
YOU ASK ME FOR MY MOTIVES
WELL, YOU NEEDN’T BE SO SMART,
IT’S A BUSINESS.
IT ISN’T MAKING HISTORY,
IT ISN’T MAKING ART,
IT’S A BUSINESS.
SHAW AND IBSEN TAKE ‘EM AWAY,
AND DON’T BOTHER ME WITH MOLIERE,
THOSE RUSSIANS NEVER PAY.
SO GO ON CRITICISE ME,
PLEASE, PROCEED WITH YOUR ATTACK,
IT’S A BUSINESS
I PUT ONE MILLION IN
AND I EXPECT TWO MILLION BACK,
IT’S A BUSINESS
SO, WHAT CRIME HAVE I COMMITTED
IF I’ PUTTING UP A FIGHT
IT’S A BUSINESS
AND I WANT THOSE PAYING SUCKERS
OUT THERE GIVING ME THE BUSINESS
EVERY NIGHT
CARMEN:
Am I getting through to you Elaine?
BAMBI:
I’m sorry mother but to me the theatre is a temple
CARMEN:
What so it should only be filled on Shabbat? Give me a
hand fellas.
(they clap) Very funny. You know what I mean back me
up.
CARMEN:
THE NOT FOR PROFIT THEATRES
DON’T NEED TO TURN A BUCK
THAT’S NOT BUSINESS
GUYS:
THAT’S NOT BUSINESS
CARMEN:
SO GIVE THEM LYSASTRATA
AND I WISH THEM LOTS OF LUCK
I DO BUSINESS
GUYS:
SHE DOES BUSINESS
CARMEN:
DORKY SCHMORKY
MONEY MISSPENT
YOU WON’T SURVIVE YOM KIUPPUR
YOU’LL NEVER GET THROUGH LENT
I ONCE KNEW A PRODUCER
WHOSE PROTENSION KNEW NO BOUNDS
IN THE BUSINESS
GUYS:
IN THE BUSINESS
CARMEN:
HE MOUNTED SAMUEL BECKETT
I DON’T MEAN IT LIKE IT SOUNDS
IT WAS BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S WAS BUSINESS
CARMEN:
SO NOW HE’S DOWN THE CRAPPER
WHILE I’M WORKING IN MY PRIME
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
AND THE SHOWS I DO DO BUSINESS
CAUSE I REALLY KNOW MY BUSINESS
AND I’M GIVING THEM THE BUSINESS, HONEY
ALL THE TIME
BAMBI:
But what about the great poets of the stage
CARMEN:
Honey I put on the ice man cometh and nobody cameth
CARMEN:
TO STAGE HANDS
TO THE DRESSERS
TO MUSICIANS IN THE PIT
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
THE OWNER OF THIS PREMESIS CLEANS UP IF WE’RE A HIT
HE’S IN BUSINESS
GUYS:
HE’S IN BUSINESS
CARMEN:
UNION WORKERS DON’T WORK FOR FREE
HEY HARRY ON THE SPOTLIGHT
BLINK TWICE IF YOU AGREE
See!
I’M NOT DEVOPID OF CULTURE
BUT MY FEET ARE ON THE FLOOR
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
I DO THE KARMA SUTRA
WITH A RICHARD ROGERS SCORE
THAT’S GOOD BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
YES GREEN’S MY FAVORITE COLOR,
AND I DON’T MEAN ON THE GRASS
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IN A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
AND THE SHOWS I DO DO BUSINESS,
YES I’M GOOD AT DOIN’ BUSINESS,
AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY BUSINESS SWEETIE,
BLOW IT OUT YOUR…
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
BUSINESS
ALL:
IT’S A BUSINESS
IT’S A BUSINESS
IT’S A BUSINESS
