Heywood Banks Dearest Mr. Santa Claus
Oh my dearest Mr. Santa Claus
I am writing you because
There seems to be a problem with your staff
You may or may not be aware,
Or even worse you do not care --
At any rate, there is no cause to laugh
I gave it to my mother,
A specific list of toys to bring around
But when I woke up Christmas morn
It was an obvious clerical error that I found
If you look on page number twenty-two
Under the heading of “Rocket Packs”
There’s no way a personal jet-propulsion device
Could ever be confused with --
A BUNNY PUPPET??!!
Hello again, dear old Saint Nick
I really hate to be a stickler
But it’s clear from here that things must change
With software advances and the Internet
You really can’t delay in getting
Some elves that are more technically trained
I discussed this with my mother
Along with a list of toys to bring around
But when I woke up Christmas morn
It was a hideous clerical error that I found
If you look on page number twenty-nine
Under the heading of “Scuba Gear”
There’s no way a personal deep-water submarine
Could ever be confused with --
UNCLE WIGGLY??!!
Hi again, Saint Nicholas
I’m sorry that it’s come to this
But someone had to bring you up to speed
Perhaps your management skills are rusty
But you really have to trust me
You are just not meeting your customers’ needs
I was told by my mother
To let you know about this oversight
But I’ve been playing Uncle Wiggly with my bunny puppet
And I just haven’t had the time to write.
