Gavin Castleton Adaptation
Lover, are you nervous?
A little bit uncertain?
Is it problematic that I never really kick the habit?
I've been hiding bottles
Doubling up my CBD
Do you even notice that I never disagree anymore
Or is this par for the course?
Why is that ok with you?
That I just keep myself numb
I don't know how to keep my confidence up
When I'm so under your thumb
I don't feel special
Or chosen
Or seen as someone with something useful to say
Sometimes I think you're with me just because
I'm the only one who's scared enough to stay
I never know what's worse
What will incur less pain:
To be seen in full or just remain
Invisible to you
So I tread water
When I'm with you
I exhaust myself just trying to hold that pose
If you love me
Like, really love me
You will try to grow yourself or let me go
I know you think I'm just a coward
Cause I don't say this to your face
But when I try talk about your power
You just dominate the conversation
And you've got some grand delusion
That you're teaching me something new
How to be smart and rational, less insecure
How to be so much more like you
But love is not a leading pass
And you are not a quarterback
You're a proud, and inconvincible
Hallelujah, something that I can teach you:
Behold, your plus-sized blindspot, brother
Empathy's not knowing how the other feels
It's knowing that you are NOT the other
But until you learn that I'll just tread water
When I'm with you
I exhaust myself just trying to hold that pose
If you love me
Like really love me
You will try to grow yourself
Or let me go
I'm so tired of being seasick
And riding out your storm
How long before I see some kind of shore?
Every time I try to stretch my toes
To reach the ocean floor
I sink a little deeper than before
