For Everest Penny Royalty
You are quiet, you are silent on the way home
Because your parents said something racist and you don't call them anymore
Homemade videos where you bury yourself alive and keep your eyes shut tight
You were patient, you were kind, you told me to take my time
But creeping doubt and sinking feelings couldn't be just left behind
"I know," "it's not," "you don't need to justify,"
This has been my whole life
Do we always learn to live with what we can't forget?
And is that kindness?
I sleep with you in my bed while you dream of kissing gender-less kids
It's just a matter of time before you leave or I'll make you wish you had
You are bright, I say you'll be fine, but mostly you don't feel a thing
And when question what you want, out of life and out of me
You say that neither is enough
It's just that I don't want to think about who I am and the person I'd rather be
I trusted you and you tried to hide, but I knew it would never be all right
You said you were born wrong, I love you desperately
I apologize, we're not who we're meant to be yet
I am not what I lack, it's just a matter of time
