Dane Cook The Friend Nobody Likes
So I'm hangin' out with all of my buddies, and uh, I
realize something,
I realize something. Think of the group of people
you've known
the longest in your life. Think of the group of friends
you've hung out
with the most, maybe you're all here tonight.
And this is what I realized, I had an epiphany, and
here it is, right here:
There is one person, in every group of friends, that
nobody f..cking likes.
You basically keep them there, to hate their guts.
When that person is not around the rest of your little
base camp,
your hobby, is cutting that person down.
Example:Karen, is always a douchebag.
Every group has a Karen and she is always a bag of
douche.
And when she's not around, you just look at each other
and say,
God, Karen, she's such a douchebag!.
Until she walks up, then you're like,
Hey, what's up Kar-? Kar-. What's up Kar-
There's always that one person - and I'm lookin' out
and some of guys
are like "Umm, I disagree."
Well you're the person - You're the person nobody
likes.
[Person from audience mumbles] That's so true.
I know, it is so true, and that's why it's funny.
It is so true, that's why it's funny, because, it's so
true, hence, funny.
Your whole life that person has been there.
That's how Brian is in our group. Nobody likes Brian.
Yet everywhere we go, Brian would show up,
even if we didn't tell him where we were going.
We would go someplace and he would do that I Just Found
You run.
H-h-h-h-hi guys. What's up guys?
And one of us would always see him and warn the rest of
the group.
We'd be like,
f..cking Brian is coming.
What?
[whispered] f..cking Brian is coming.
That's his name, f..cking Brian Is Coming.
I heard a rumor, when he was born, even the doctor
said,
f..cking Brian is coming. Let's get this demon seed out
of here.
That's what I'm saying - quote, unquote.
And you can quote me on the quote, unquote.
