Dane Cook Superpowers
I wish I had some superpowers. I was thinking about
that the other day.
Maybe quit comedy, fight some crime. Everybody wants to
fly. That's the number one power. If I could grant you
a power,
Dane, I'd love to fly. Yeah? Who the f..ck doesn't. Who
doesn't want to leave the show tonight and be like,
Alright I'll catch you guys later.*Shwwooosh* and zip
up into the skies.
I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering splendor.
I'd love to shoot a laser out of my cock. And when I'm
empty my balls glow.
Low fuel. Balls are empty.
You know what I'd like to be able to do more than
anything else? I'd love to
be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips.
*Pppthhh.* 'Cause no one
wants to be covered in spaghetti. No. If I'm on a date
with a girl and she's
very rude I'll be like, you know what? *PPpptthhh*
Enjoy your spaghetti
you're very rude. Enjoy your spaghetti, 'cause you're
rude. *Pppttthh*
These are all dreams. These are all things we want to
have.
(To man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any
power, what would
you want? Anything right now? Dah, Jesus. You want to
be Jesus? God
you're such an egotistical prick. He thinks he's Jesus.
Ah, Jesus. I'd love to
cover him with spaghetti right now. *Ppppttthh* Enjoy
your spaghetti,
you're very egotistical.
Ahhh, Christ. *pause* (to man in audience) Not you.
