Bob Rivers Buttcracker Suite
"Thong March"
Thong
What a delightful gift idea
Thong
Magical shorts that disappear
Buy your loved one this noel
The kind of gift you can't resell
Because it kind of smells
If someone else has tried it on
Thong
You could be dancing cheek to cheek
Thong
Wiggle the string play hide and seek
Buy your workmate or your boss
The proctologic dental floss
That really works a hair across
His astronomic bum
Thong
"Dance of the Plumber Fairy"
See the repair man go
Tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink
Working on the sink
Bending way down low
See the big tool belt go
Slippy-slip, slippy-slip, slippy-slip
Sliding down his hip
Say it isn't so
See the rear cleavage go
Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo
Cheekie sneaking through
See ya at so 'n so
See the plumber
Doesn't even show
What a bummer
Get a dial tone
Called a number
On the telephone
Hire someone else
"Wedgie Dance"
Lunge!
Spin around and stretch and lunge
And Leap!
Do a kick and shake your buns
And fix those wedgies everyone
Let's go!
Twirl!
Double dip and somersault
ThenSplit!
Shuffle back and twist and fall
And fix those wedgies
Fix those wedgies
Let's go people
Fix those wedgies
Cracks are flyin' just keep pryin'
And pull
Pull hard!
And pull
Pull hard!
And pull
Pull hard those leotards!
"Waltz of the Buttcrackers"
Please just say no to crack
When you spot butt crack attack
You can see a trucker change a tire
Or a cable worker fix a wire
Let him know his bottom line is looking out
Somehow you don't admire it
So everybody please just say no to crack
Give all those crack backs a sack
If you see a plumber show a breach
Or a tubby hubby on a beach
Sneak right up behind his back and strike a match and
drop the burning sulfur right between his cheeks
Because as sure as pants and men surround us
Cracks are all around us
Slacks fall to the ground as
Miles and miles of spoil going up and down
Everybody
Don't be unbound near a crowd get a grip
Fix your drawers
Every Fall ride along take 'em back
To the stores
Show some class and hide that massive astronomic butt
crack
Get in the truck
Cover the crack
Gimme the thong
Hurry along
Buttcracker's joys are sweet
