Will Varley I Got This Email
I spent 6 hours watching TV
Antiques and Jeremy
Till 4 in the afternoon
When my mother came in
Said "it's wearing pretty thin,
Son you better get a f..cking job soon"
And I went on to the internet
To see what jobs I could get
Just to keep my mother satisfied
But with my degree in aviation
For every single occupation
I felt somewhat over qualified
Then I saw in the corner of the screen
Someone had sent a message to me
They put certain characters in bold
I cried tears as I read
Every single word they said
All of my problems were solved
I said "don't worry mother
Cos I got this email
From that prince of some country somewhere
He said his plan could never fail
I'll give him all my bank details
And he'll make me a millionaire"
Next morning I was so excited
I pissed myself didn't try to hide it
I had pound signs gleaming in my eyes
But I went on down to Savile Row
To buy myself a suit of gold
But they only had silver in my size
I thought what should I do with all this money
Oh lord wouldn't it be funny
If I bought myself a brand new limousine
So I went down to the limousine shop
Asked the salesman "what you got?"
He just stood there staring back at me
He said "I'm sorry sir we're closing down
No one can afford limousines in this town
I'm broke I'm bankrupt I'll have to sell my kids"
I said "don't sell your children
I think I can save them
Come and take a look at this"
I said "don't worry Mr salesman
Cos I got this email
From that prince of some country somewhere
He said his plan could never fail
I'll give him all my bank details
And he'll make us both millionaires"
Well me and the limousine salesman
Were whistling Dixie at this point
Talking about our suits of solid gold
And suddenly out of the blue
We saw ourselves a hippie or two
And they were protesting about the war
We followed them down to Number 10
Trafalgar Square then back again
And then we started banging at the door
We said "come on David speak to us
We're tired and we're pissed off
Some of us are moving to France
And finally he showed his face
And after him in second place
Came Nick Clegg on his Game-boy Advance
I said "how you doing Nick? What level you on?"
He said "level 5"
I said "what game you playing Nick?
He said "Tetris"
I said "level 5s pretty easy to get to on Tetris Nick"
And then from the crowd
There came a shout
And everybody turned to look
And in the middle of the humdrum
Was David Cameron's mum
Standing there shaking her
She said "David what you doing?
The country's in meltdown
I'm buying all my knickers from Primark
The people are rioting
The high streets are empty
The country is going to shit"
And David said "don't worry mother
Cos I got this email
From that prince of some country somewhere
He said his plan could never fail
I'll give him all our bank details
And he'll make us all millionaires"
