Voltaire Cantina
Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell you know how hot it gets on Tatooine
Well then I saw that there cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough, but how bad could it be?
Well I walked through the door, and the music stopped (dead... [Gulp])
All manner of men and beasts were staring at me
Seems just one week before,
Their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'd done never guessed that pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca
I was smeared in wookie caca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no
Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker 'til it wasn't so teeny
He pulled me into Jabba's hut
He stared intently at my butt
And then he oo-ta-too-ta'ed me with his zucchini
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man
Take it away, boys...
(band instrumental)
Well the guy walked up and said, "My friend doesn't like you".
(I said, "Sorry.")
He said "I don't like you either, you better watch yourself."
(I think his name was Tom Waits)
Then some old dude who taught Vader
Chopped his arm off with a saber
That later made for one red hot anal invader
(Owwww...)
I was broken on the floor beat to a stupor
Then I was saved there at the door were ten stormtroopers
But then my hope faded away
I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns stormtroopin' me in the pooper
I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
Which is why I still go there every week.
