Trixie Mattel The Night Before Contact
'Twas the night before Contact and all through the land
Lonely satellite dishes were pelted with sand
Computers connected to TVs with cables
In the hopes of transmitting some alien fables
The lab techs were all hunkered down, fast asleep
Having jerked off to Julia Louis Dreyfus in Veep
And me, with my headphones, reclined on a car
Awaiting a message delivered from far
Away in a galaxy light years ahead
Perhaps from a relative long presumed dead
When at once I was greeted with a rhythmic pulsation
A Janet Jackson-esque beat from an alien nation
Off to the lab, I drove mad and like hell
Into the walkie, a scream, a screech, and a yell!
The lab techs woke up and responded in kind
Though, most of them stupid, and one of them blind
Together we looked, and together we listened
As the sweat on my forehead started to glisten
As sound became image, and image became clear
We wondered out loud, "What the hell have we here?"
A message from space, or some alien threat?
A bizarre World War II karmic comeuppance debt?
But, thank God, or whomever, it was just a floor plan
For a time-travel spaceship to build in Japan
I jumped in the tube and said "Okay, go!"
Such was my passionate desire to know
Science was God, and the stars were my savior
The Government would never Jodie Foster such behavior!
But in the end I cried tears, not because I was sad
I cried and I smiled, cause I met my dead dad
