Trevor Moore What About Mouthwash?
Me and Jesse's cousin
Went to the Chevron after work
To grab a couple sixers
And some beefy jerk
The man behind the counter
Said he'd like to see ID
I handed him one of a guy
Who sorta looked like me
He frowned and asked me what was my address
I knew the street, but I couldn't quite get the rest
I said I lost my real ID, and that
We would pay him double
We swore that we weren't cops
And that he wouldn't get in trouble
He smiled and said "I'm sorry
But it's already 12:04
And the state says it's too late to sell
Alcohol anymore"
Sadly we went to put back the beer
But then a bottle caught my eye, and I got an idea
What about mouthwash?
What about huffing paint?
You don't need ID to buy it
And you can't arrive too late
What about mouthwash?
What about smelling glue?
If they say you can't buy liquor
Then some cough syrup should do
Before we count this night up as a loss...
What about mouthwash?
Sitting in the truck in the parking lot
Underneath the moon and all them stars
We don't need their liquor stores
And we don't need their bars
Drinking Listerine and tonic
And Jesse's cousin sipped a Scope and Coke
A Robitussin Red Bull
Now that shit ain't no joke
But something changed within me at that store
Beer and spirits just don't cut it anymore
The whispers that I hear
And the looks that I keep getting
When I toast with a Dimetapp daiquiri
At a fancy wedding
And last night a cop pulled me over
Going down 95 South
And he saw the Sherman-Williams
All over my nose and mouth
He just looked straight at me, with a, a pity in his eyes
Like he just saw the depths of sadness a man can have inside
And the lengths to which he'll go to numb it down for another day
He looked as if he'd cried, and then he just walked away
I watched as he drove off down the interstate
And then I thought to myself, that's another reason this stuff's great
What about mouthwash?
What about sniffing glue?
When the police pull you over
They ain't sure what to do
What about mouthwash?
Or even hand sanitizer?
When they check your glove compartment
They won't be none the wiser
Before we count this night up as a loss...
Say, "What about mouthwash?"
What about mouthwash?