Monty Python Miss Anne Elk
Chris: Good evening. Tonight: "dinosaurs". I have here,
sitting in the
studio next to me, an elk.
Ahhhh!!!
Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Elk - Mrs Anne Elk
Anne: Miss!
C: Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on di...
A: N' n' n' n' no! Anne Elk!
C: What?
A: Anne Elk, not Anne Expert!
C: No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Elk, were
an , A-N not
A-N-N-E, expert...
A: Oh!
C: ...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. I'm ...
A: Yes, I certainly am, Chris. How very true. My word
yes.
C: Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about
the brontosaurus.
A: Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I
have a new theory
about the brontosaurus?
C: Uh... Exactly... What is it?
A: Where?
C: No! No, what is your theory?
A: What is my theory?
C: Yes!
A: What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may
well ask what is my theory.
C: I am asking.
A: And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask
what it is, this
theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is
to say, which is
mine,... is mine.
C: I know it's yours! What is it?
A: ... Where? ... Oh! Oh! What is my theory?
C: Yes!
A: Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that
I am about to
relate. [starts prolonged throat clearing]
C: [under breath] Oh, God!
[Anne still clearing throat]
A: The Theory, by A. Elk (that's "A" for Anne", it's
not by a elk.)
C: Right...
A: [clears throat] This theory, which belongs to me, is
as follows...
[more throat clearing]
This is how it goes...
[clears throat]
The next thing that I am about to say is my theory.
[clears throat]
Ready?
C: [wimpers]
A: The Theory, by A. Elk [Miss]. My theory is along the
following lines...
C: [under breath]God!
A: ...All brontosauruses are thin at one end; much,
much thicker in the
middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the
theory that I
have and which is mine and what it is, too.
C: That's it, is it?
A: Right, Chris!
C: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit
the nail right on the
head.
A: ... and it's mine.
C: Thank you for coming along to the studio.
A: My pleasure, Chris.
C: Britain's newest wasp farm...
A: It's been a lot of fun...
C: ...opened last week...
A: ...saying what my theory is...
C: ... Yes, thank you.
A: ...and whose it is.
C: Yes.... opened last week...
A: I have another theory.
C: Not today, thank you.
A: My theory #2, which is the second theory that I
have. [clears throat].
This theory...
C: Look! Shut up!
A: ...is what I am about to say.
C: Please shut up!
A: which, with what I have said, are the two theories
that are mine and
which belong to me.
C: If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you!
A: [clears throat] My xxx theory, which I posses the
ownership of, which
belongs to...
[Sound of a single gun shot]
A: [clearing throat] The Theory the Second, by Anne...
[Sound of prolonged machine gun fire]