Mal Webb Contraceptive Personality
You're not dumb, so ignorance, for you, is no excuse
You look fine, you're not a swan, but still you're not a goose
But you haven't got lucky for a long time
You can't figure out what you've been doing so wrong
But you'll find what's got you in a bind is lurking in your mind
A contraceptive personality
It'll thwart you every time you talk
A contraceptive personality
It's a bummer, but you'll never need condoms or fork out for child support
You dress well, you never wear your mocckies* in the street
You don't smell, you're neither fetid filth nor sickly sweet
But you haven't got lucky for a long time
You search the whole planet for a reason why
But instead, the thing you really dread is stuck there in your head
A contraceptive personality
It'll rear when your chance is near
A contraceptive personality
But you'll never get the wet spot, sleep deprivation or gonorrhoea
You're not that unattractive when it's not interactive
But with a flapping jaw then you don't score at all
You're the best friend anyone could ever find
And I need to remind you I mean to be kind
But it's true love that you're really running from
You're convinced it'll bomb and that ruins your aplomb
You're not dumb, you look fine
You dress well, you don't smell
You're not mean or obscene and that's keen, but...
You talk yourself out of any chance you get
But these fears, the source of all your tears, are right between your ears
No lying, crying, sighing, dying, vying
For a place in the race for a trace
Of your personal space
