Loudon Wainwright Iii Awful Hungry Hash House
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life.
It will help us on our way, it will brighten all our
days,
If we keep on the sunny side of life.
There's a hotel in this town of dubious renown,
Where they serve the hash up on the second floor.
There's a graveyard in the cellar, doctor's office in
the parlor,
And the undertaker's got his shop next door.
I'm a boarder and I dwell In that second-class hotel,
And the way they run their business isn't fair,
'Cause I'm stuck here on my bunk and I cannot get my
trunk,
And the rent I owe would break a millionaire.
"Touch-Me-Not" is on the teacups, skeleton crossbones
on the plates,
"Warning: Poison"'s on the menu every day.
Oh, the biscuits they are named, and I'm going to have
them framed,
At that awful hungry hash house where I stay.
Oh, the doughnuts, they are wooden, and we have
Limburger puddin' -
We kneel in prayer before we go to grub.
If you chance to get a breeze of that hambalonia
cheese,
You'd have swore somebody'd hit you with a club.
The sausage, they are marked, if you touch them, they
will bark -
They are relics sent from Bingen-on-the-Rhine,
And the boarders have the croup, from drinking frozen
soup
At that awful hungry hash house where I dine.
And I'm never fully rested 'cause the room I rent's
infested,
And the critters all have nested in my clothes,
And the fleas, they hold me down, while the chinches
creep around,
And the bedbugs play pinochle on my nose.
They have India-rubber pickles, extra sizes for the
cripples,
And a dinner bell and gong they can't afford.
When they open up the gate, we come rolling in on
skates
At that awful hungry hash house where I board.
There's a woman called the Duchess, brings the coffee
in on crutches,
And the cake looks like a sponge that's petrified.
The pies are old and gray, and they're only in the way,
At that awful hungry hash house where I bide.
Oh, the beefsteak it was rare and the butter had red
hair,
Baby had its feet both in the soup.
The eggs they would not match and If you touched one it
would hatch,
And double back for safety in the coop.
It will help us on our way, it will brighten all our
days,
If we keep on the sunny side of life.