John McCutcheon Duct Tape
The color of the day is orange
The terror risk is high
They never tell us why
Just be prepared
We're never told just how or when
Or who might be our foe
Everyone I know
Is really scared
But they finally have a tip for you and me
The solution to surviving World War III
Chorus
All you need is duct tape
And everything is gonna be alright
Get Saran Wrap from the drawer
And seal your windows tight
Don't you worry 'bout
Anthrax, dirty bombs
Smallpox, radon
When all is said and done
The war on terrorism's gonna be won
With duct tape
My 401k's in the tank
My kids' school's falling down
And all these clowns can talk about
Is war
There're one or two things here to do
Like jobs for you and me
Homeland security
Means so much more
But when the questions get a little tough
They have an answer just obtuse enough
Chorus
All you need is duct tape
To hold your tattered life in tact
Everyone just duct and cover
It'll save you... that's a fact!
Don't you worry 'bout
Education, health care
Retirement, dirty air
Everything's OK
Trust us, they all say
And get duct tape
Bridge
I've used on my car
And I've fixed my garden hose
It's removed a wart or two
Gotten lint right off my clothes
It's worked on almost everything
I've tried to use it for
So I guess it stands to reason
Will work just fine for war
Every time I turn on
My radio, TV
Everything I hear and see
Just makes me wonder
These guys who'll never face a risk
Are quick to draw the sword
In every deed and word
They reel and blunder
So when you're tired of their pontification
There's one sure fire fix for our nation
Chorus
All you need is duct tape
And plaster it 'cross their lips
All these armchair warriors
Shooting from their hips
When you've had enough
Fox News, Falwell
Limbaugh, George Will
Spreading lies and fears
Just cover up your ears
With duct tape
When you've had enough
W, Ashcroft
Rumsfeld spouting off
'Til it makes you sick
Tell 'em where they can stick
Their duct tape
