Home Grown Christmas Crush
Had a crush on Santa
Since I was 9 years old
But oh Santa
Why do you go?
Once a year you come visit me
Eat my cookies, leave presents the same old routine
But now Santa I want something more
No presents all that this girl's askin' for
Santa sleep with me tonight
I read these words in her diary
An invasion of my girlfriend's privacy
I shouldn't have but I'm glad I did
Wonder what does she see in him
A big old tub of jelly
With a double chin
He's older than my grandmother
Indeed this fetish is really bizarre
Sexual attraction for this holiday star
I gotta plan that you wouldn't believe
But I've gotta act like it's Christmas eve
Santa's suit is what I will get
And give my girlfriend a night
That she'll never forget
And neither will I
Went through my closet and found a red robe
Made a beard out of cotton
Stuffed my shirt with pillows
And drove to my girl's house
I slipped down the chimney and to my dismay
Saw Santa and my girl in red lingerie
And in between all the moans and groans
I heard her say oh Santa, oh Santa
She said Santa I miss you, I love you
I wish you would stay home forever with me
Santa I knew you were coming to town
But tonight you are coming in me
Santa, get off of my girlfriend
Get off of my girlfriend