Green Velvet Answering Machine
Hi Velvet, this is Taniqua. I hate to do this over the
phone, but I sorta cant do it in person. I wanna say
thank you for the engagement ring. I know you probably
gave it to me after I told you I’m pregnant and stuff.
And we’ve been going together for such a long time
but……the babys not yours so you don’t have to worry
about it. I’ll always love you”.
I don't need this shit!
Tuesday 8 am
“Hello Mr Velvet. This is your landlord calling. I’m
calling to notify you that your being evicted from your
apartment due to the excessive noise coming from your
place and also the naked girl that was running down
your hall last week doesn’t help.
So…erm…we need you to be out of there by Monday of next
week. And please don’t make any noise until then. Have
a nice day”.
I don't need this shit!
Wednesday 6 pm
“Hi man name is Bob, I’m calling from the Psychic
Friends Network. I’m calling to give you your horoscope
for today….and it looks bad. As a matter of fact your
life looks bad. I say, stay in the house today,
tomorrow and forever. Because your chart shows that
your life is over…….”.
I don't need this shit!
Thursday 10 am
“Hi Velvet, this is LaShaan. I know you’re surprised to
be hearing from me but I got your number from your mum.
She told me that you wouldn’t mind so I’m calling you…
and I’m going to keep calling. And I’m going to be
calling you today, tomorrow and the next day……Do you
have a problem with that? I know you love me….
(uncontrollable laughs)”.
I don't need this shit!
Friday 9 pm
“Yo Velvet, what’s up? this is your boy Tyrone…I’m over
here getting high with your girl Taniqua and shit….and
she told me all the shit that happened. Man, between me
you, I could have told you she was no good because she
let me hit that shit once too before, you know…you
know…but err…hold on a second…..( how tough is
motherfucker how tough is ) yeah shes f..cking up the
rotation…..but err….Oh yeah man, I had this dope party
at your crib last week it was the boooooomb………”.
f..ck this shit!
Saturday
“You have…no new messages”.
