Flanders & Swann Sounding Brass
Society frowns at blowing one's own trumpet But we've a game that merits no rebuke If someone's got a tub, we're going to thump it. It's more fun than playing polo with the Duke. The object is to Gunga-din your neighbour "I'm a better man than you"'s the acid test So man the good ship one-up Let's do a social ton-up And bang our status symbols with the best
Playing on the status symbols Laying out the ready cash Bigger, Better, Newer, Smarter Hear the status symbols clash
My phone number's ex-directory Should you wish to make a call Mine's even more exclusive (More exclusive?) I won't have a phone at all
You could always try cabling me, Mick Flan, England
I have colour television Though it can't receive a thing I've a midget tape recorder Hidden in my cygnet ring (Hidden in my cygnet ring) I've laundress comes in daily To my flat in Marble Arch All my laundry's flown to Cairo (Flown to where?) Where they don't use so much starch.
I believe my butler's butler Has appeared on Face to Face I lost both my Botticellis When they robbed my country place I've been asked to sing at Salzburg In next year's Fidelio I've been asked to screen Lord Denning: For security, you know.
My car registration number's '1111 V I P' All my garage doors fly open When I murmur 'Sesame' My car horn goes Ah-E Ah-E Your car horn goes Ah-Ah-Ah I've just bought a Mini super (Bought a what?) A Mini Super Oh yes, I've got one in my boot.
Playing on the status symbols Laying out the ready cash Bigger, Better, Newer, Smarter Hear the status symbols clash
Hell has just been taken over By a friend of Charlie Clore's * We've acquired a private furnace Bigger, Hotter, Far than yours.
