Ethan Jewell Spotlight
A monster lives under my bed
He promised good feelings as his eyes turned red
I hear him whisper gentle nothings as I try to fall asleep
He says this time, this time the serotonin will keep
But I ignore him, and try to drift away without a single peep
His crooked arm peers out and hands me a shiny red pill
He speaks they all will love you, and your heart will be fulfilled
I take it, swallow it with my blood because I don't want to feel this way still
Camera, lights, and a tiny bit of action
Connect your dots, and find the spot, these images are they matching
The image of a happy man, and me within the lights
Me standing in this cash and all these kids just flying kites
They scream my name they shout and cheer, and I just stand here feeling empty
More and more I want, it's all just so damn tempting
People know my name, people know my face
But the people I love, I feel so erased
They love you, you've helped them, but you don't know how to, how to help yourself
They're cheering, it's okay, got so much money and so much wealth
Maybe now they'll listen, maybe they'll understand
That these words don't just glisten
They have so much meaning to this young man
It started as a way, I wanted them to hear me
I didn't know how to talk, so I made it sound pretty
But instead I was greeted with applause
When all I ever wanted was a pause and gentle acceptance
Standing in the spotlight yet I feel so alone
That f..cking pill I took, it should've been a loan
Standing in the spotlight yet I feel so alone
That f..cking pill I took, it should've been a loan
Standing in the spotlight yet I feel so alone
That f..cking pill I took, it should've been a loan
Told you once, I won't tell you again
I'm haunted by my forever sin
Playing this music so I can't hear them
The lonesome people, and broken men
I put on a show for you my beloved
I pushed my shit down, I'm above it
If I smile then I know they'll take my picture
And it won't make me stay just to miss her
They see right through me, abandoned glass
I put myself down, a half raised mast
Unwanted, unworthy, and certain to be gone soon
Unfathomed, unneeded, and wishing for my room
They laugh while I cry
They ask and I lie
They sip and I sigh
I'm not sad just shy
I see they are happy without me
So I might as well pack my own grave and leave
My god I just want to feel okay
My god I just want to live another day
I just want to be okay
