Drive-by Truckers The President's Penis Is Missing
(NEWS FLASH!!!) (scene: the press corps have descended
upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:)
?They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill They
looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill We called every
scholar, reporter, and genius Has anyone seen the
President?s penis?? ?It ain?t in the Congress or
Judiciary It ain?t in the Smithsonian or that big ole
library an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President?s penis?? (now the entire
press corp. erupts in song:) ?THE PRESIDENT?S PENIS IS
MISSING OLE?!!! WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT
EVERYDAY LORD, WON?T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US HAS
ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT?S PENIS?? (at this point,
legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the
moon to add his commentary:) ?Now Presidents have
goofed up in all kinds of ways in the 80?s we elected
one missing his brain George Washington caught a cold
he couldn?t explain and we all know the truth about
Thomas Jefferson?s name? (suddenly William Randolph
Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson
Welles type voice:) ?Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn?t no
square with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair and
all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn?t care and
John Kennedy?s penis was seen everywhere? (once again
everyone breaks out in gleeful song:) ?THE PRESIDENT?S
PENIS IS MISSING OLE?!!! WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY
NIGHT EVERY DAY LORD WON?T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT?S PENIS?? (the scene
shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively,
somewhere in space:) ?Them outer space people would
laugh if they?d seen us all this talk about cum-stains
and oral coitus meanwhile the whole world suffers from
hunger and meanness but we?re more concerned with the
President?s penis? THE END? lyrics by Patterson Hood
