Home Page »  B »  Bo Burnham
   

Traditional Stand-Up Lyrics


Bo Burnham Traditional Stand-Up


We got a little serious there.
I think "fisting" should be called "upper-cunting",
And we're back.

Do you guys like impressions?
(Yeah.)
"Why?" That was Socrates.

Older traditional stand-up comics sometimes have problems with me
Because they think I use music and other stuff
And they think I'm a gimmick, I'm a hack, you know, I'm a gimmick comic
And they're such comedy purists, they don't think my comedy can stand on it's own.
But the truth is, I'm a comedy purist, too.
So I can do comedy without gimmicks.
I'll show you that right now.
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch?
Names!
For those listening on the CD, I just gave birth to a dove.

I love traditional stand-up comedy, don't get me wrong.
I love it. I'm a huge fan of traditional stand-up comics.
A lot of them are my heroes.
And I want to be a traditional stand-up comic
And I've been working on some traditional stand-up material and
It's in it's infancy so, please, bare with me, go easy
But this is a bit of my traditional stand-up.

My wife, right.
We never have sex. Like, ever. Which is really funny.
Something else, I never know what she's saying.
She'll say something and I'll be like, "pft."
You know, she's constantly emasculating me
And I'm making her resent herself for getting older,
So we're looking into a divorce.
And, you know, something else that's really funny:
She can't drive. The only thing she can drive is
"Drive me crazy," and when she back talks, I hit her.



from the recording booth to the kitchen: when musicians become culinary obsessives
From The Recording Booth To The Kitchen: When Musicians Become Culinary Obsessives
Evren E. - 05 May 2026
the ultimate fashion playlist: unpacking the devil wears prada 2 soundtrack
The Ultimate Fashion Playlist: Unpacking The Devil Wears Prada 2 Soundtrack
Chris Page - 29 Apr 2026
behind the charts: how labels track global music trends before they go viral
Behind The Charts: How Labels Track Global Music Trends Before They Go Viral
Faith Thompson - 26 Apr 2026
the ghost in the jukebox: can ai actually write a song that makes you cry?
The Ghost In The Jukebox: Can Ai Actually Write A Song That Makes You Cry?
Sasha Mednikova - 24 Apr 2026
pop icons behind the firewall: the quiet fight for global music freedom
Pop Icons Behind The Firewall: The Quiet Fight For Global Music Freedom
Evren E. - 16 Apr 2026
Browse: