Bill Hicks Goodbye You Lizard Scum
Haven't been here in a while, man. Livin' out in Los Angeles now. L-A or as I call it, Hell-A. And, uh I just like getting out of there at any point, y'know. Just to go anywhere, y'know, for the weather. They don't have ******' weather there, y'know. Hot 'n sunny every day. Today- hot 'n sunny in LA. Yesterday- hot 'n sunny. Every day- hot 'n sunny. And they love it. "Idn't it great? Every day- hot 'n sunny! Hot 'n sunny every day. Idn't it neat?"
What are you, a ******' lizard? Only reptiles feel that way about this kind of weather. Y'know, I'm a mammal. I can afford scarves, coats cappuccino and rosy-cheeked women and all are available for sale...on the streets of New York. Now..Where I will soon be returning because LA is a nightmare city and the sooner it falls into the ocean due to a major earthquake and is flushed away like the turd city it is..into the Pacific bowl, the better this world will be. Thank you. Good evening. Yes good evening. How are you tonight. Good. The comedy of hate. Join me! It's the newest thing. Join me! Hello. Spreading Christmas cheer. Welcome. Oh, won't we party hard when LA goes kersplash. Oh, grin from ear to ******' ear, won't we? "LA fell in the ocean? AHHH-HAHAHAHAHA!" There is a God! He loves us all so much.
LA is a nightmare place, man. Ya always meet this one guy out in LA- he's always this real smarmy guy; he always says this, "Yeah, I love callin' back East January first. What're y'all doin'? Snowed in, huh? Hahaha. Bummer. Me? I'm out by the pool! Hahaha-HA!" What a dick this guy is. That's why I used to love to call LA when I lived in New York. "What're y'all doin'? Talkin' to TV producers, huh? Bummer. Me? I'm readin' a book! Yeah, we're thinkin' back East! Yeah, we're evolving. Is that "The Big One" I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum, bye!
(makes earthquake sound) Ah-hahahahah! It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. All the shitty shows are gone. All the idiots screamin' in the ******' window- dead. I love it. Leaving cool beautiful serenity called...Arizona Bay. That's right. When LA falls in the ******' ocean and is flushed away, all it'll leave is Arizona Bay
