Ben Colder Harper Valley P.t.a. (later That Same Day)
(The day that widda Johnson socked it to,)
(The Harper Valley P.T.A.)
[Sound of gavel pounding.]
[Spoken:] (Order, order!)
I'll have a cheeseburger and a bottle o' beer!
Seriously, boy, I would like to address this meeting
Of the Harper Valley AA, ah-PTA.
Hi there, Bobby Taylor, you son of a gun!
I was just strollin' along the street tonight,
On my way to Kelly's bar.
And I saw your sign outside that said PTA.
I thought that meant, Party Time Already.
So, here I am an' I'm havin' a lot of fun,
You bunch of son of a guns.
Mr. Baker, Widow Brown, Shirley baby!
Mr. Peyton and distinguished guests,
You bunch of son of a guns!
Hey, Mrs. Johnson, Mrs. Johnson.
You say old Bobby Taylor sittin' there
And seven times he asked you for a date?
[Ben chuckles.] Well, shuckins!
Hang right in there Bobby,
She'll probably come around if you'll just wait.
And I can tell you why,
Mr. Baker's secretary up and left the town,
She was expectin' to get a lot better job,
With Brown and Brown in another town.
Mrs. Johnson, do you happen to be a grass widow?
That makes you a Johnson grass widow!
Mrs. Johnson has posed the question,
Should widow Brown be told,
To pull her window shades completely down?
To pull or not to pull, that is the question.
Well, I'll leave it to a vote.
Now, how do you vote? (No!)
You bunch of son of a guns.
I think you made a wise choice,
It beats watching TV.
Now that brings us up to
Shirley Thompson's breath.
Perhaps I shouldn't a-brought that up,
Tell the green phantom.
Hey, y'all are really a bunch of swingers,
And I've sure have had myself a lot of fun.
[Singing:]
Yeah, this is just a little Peyton Place,
And you're all Harper Valley son of a guns.
This is just a little Peyton Place,
And you're all Harper Valley son of a guns.
Son of a gun.
[Fade.]
Bobby Taylor is a sun of a gun.
