Angel Haze Come Winter (seasons)
[Intro:]
Now, this might get a little personal
Or a lot actually
Parental discretion is advised
When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
I would just flap my f..cking arms and try to meet with
the sky
And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with
God
And then I'd chop his f..cking fist off and beat him
with mine
But this is just a f..cking portion of the war with my
mind
So I'm a take you f..ckers back and through the vortex
of time
When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy
here
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid
And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
He took me to the basement and after the lights had
been cut
He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his cock
through my gut
See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my
mind
And then it happened like it happened millions of times
And I would swear that I would tell but they would
think that I was lyin'
And now the power that he held was like a beacon of
mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit
But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend
what he do
And they ate it up, shit I was like a buffet for two
And then it happened in a home where every f..cking one
knew
And they ain't do shit but f..cking blame it on youth
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you, but
even you, by then wouldn't know what to do
And now it happened so often that he was getting
particular
And I'm more scared every time - my speed and
ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my
legs
He told me: "Hey -, I see you like them popsicle sticks
so put your mouth on my deck and f..cking swallow the
spit"
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he
said
I had no the effect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of
my fear
Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my
butt
Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through
your guts
I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these
niggas
Wanted to take a f..cking brick and push they teeth
through they liver
Wanted to smash the f..cking world and burn it's
leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just f..cking step on my heart
Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these
men
But that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of
my sin
And psychologically I was just as f..cked as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't f..cked from the
jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from
myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I
was
So I'd create the other people I would try to become
Sexuality came into play and with as scared as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, f..cked up my bodily health
I didn't wanna be attracted to nobody else
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there's a f..cking reason behind every scar that I
show
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I
know
My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful
could do
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of
the truth
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as
before
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you've got to look at your
root
I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look
at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a
clown
I'm f..cking great can't f..cking hate you nigga look at
me now
Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from
the ground
Just be strong and just move on and just accept what I
can
Because it makes your story better when you read at the
end
[Outro:]
Yeah, there's a story behind every single scar that I
show
I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before
I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped
it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped
it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
