Alaska Thunderfuck Pride
Citizens of earth, it's that time
Pride comes but once per year
And if pride were an acronym I believe it would stand for the following
Perseverance, resistance, insistence, devotion, emotion
Now, are there any bears here tonight?
Oh, so many, I feel just like Goldilocks
And if that one's too hard, and that one's too soft, I'll keep searching till I find one that's just right
Pride is not just an excuse for us to dance shirtlessly and get wasted in the daytime, no
As important as those traditions are, we must remember our brave brothers and sisters who paved the way for us to be here today
And most of all, we must always remember the many many hundreds of people who died at Stonewall
A.. what.. wait I'm getting a message in my earpiece
Uhum, oh, no one died at Stonewall? Oh oh, stunning
Don't run and hide
Come take a ride
Just come inside
Cause bitch it's pride
So move aside
I'm dignified
Happy pride, at Stonewall no one died
Cracking fans, throwing shade...
I'd like to take a moment to discuss the dresscode
And no, I'm not talking about the exciting new fragrance by Ivy Winters
This is a notice concerning all tops, whether they be tube, tank our blouse variety
No sleeves allowed!
And if you're wearing a romper, please be romping
And if you're wearing a jumper, please be jumping
And if you're wearing a top, please, and this is very important
All tops must be cropped
All tops must be cropped
All tops must be cropped
And if you're in drag today, please, don't be a heroine
You're six inch stilettos have no place here, heels be gone!
For pride and for conferences alike, heels are no longer mandatory
If you're not wearing flats, you're not doing drag!
Now, do you have a fan? Please grab it, okay, are you ready? Are you in position? Okay, just checking, alright, okay, you ready? Okay
Now do the Vivacious!
Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, do the Vivacious!
Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, do the Vivacious!
Cracking fans, throwing shade...
And so I want to wish you all a very and prosperous pride season
Whether you be red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo girl or Violet Chachki
Stay hydrated, eat something delicious, wear sunscreen and leopard print
And most of all, remember the words of a wise philosopher who once said
Anusthing is possible!
Pri-i-i-i-ide
