Adam Kay Mr Burton
Here’s my long case
Behind the curtain.
It’s Mr Burton.
He’s 64.
He has chest pain,
Crushing in nature.
It radiates to
His arm and jaw.
This pains been getting worse since Wednesday
(A-o-ah)
And GTN spray
(A-ah)
Has helped a bit.
He does not know what is the cause here.
(A-o-ah)
And he’s had nausea
(A-ah)
Along with it.
He’s had no illnesses of note,
Except for polyps in his throat,
He’s on no medication and he’s got no allergies.
He has no relevant family history
(A-o-ah)
Except a sister he
(A-ah)
Thinks had a stroke.
He lives alone.
He’s an accountant.
(A-o-ah)
He drinks small amounts and
(A-ah)
He doesn’t smoke.
The student doesn’t realise
That what I told him was all lies,
But when the doctor asks me questions
I will tell the truth.
You said I’m on
No medication.
(A-o-ah)
That information
(A-ah)
Is not quite true.
I take three types
Of diarrhoetic.
(A-o-ah)
I’m diabetic,
(A-ah)
Epileptic too.
I’ve got one lung,
I’ve got a stoma,
(A-o-ah)
Hodgkins Lymphoma,
(A-ah)
Hepatitis B,
There’s my MS,
There’s my anaemia,
(A-o-ah)
And my leukaemia,
(A-ah)
And my HIV.
You stupid cunt!
You lying cunt!
You stupid lying f..cking cunt!
You lied to me you stupid sweaty ugly f..cking cunt!
I’ve had a sex
Change, I’ve got haemorrhoids,
(A-o-ah)
I’m taking steroids,
(A-ah)
Oral and inhaled,
I cannot see,
I’ve got paralysis,
(A-o-ah)
I’m on dialysis,
(Uh-oh)
And I think you failed.
