Adam: We were doing Mok 1 in the Ookla-mobile
Luis: And Rand was at the wheel
Rand: With gear and clothes and Adam
 crammed against the windshield
A: We were gonna filk until the break of dawn
L: We're going to the con
R: Luis Tomas Garcia had his Sandman T-shirt on
A: Rand was driving I was playing my guitar
L: And I was in the car
R: And then we stopped
A: And that's when Rand said,
R: "I don't know where we are"
A: I was trying to get the map unfolded
 when I heard a sound
L: I looked around
R: And then I noticed that the car
 was lifted off the ground
All: What was going on
 how were we floating through the air?
All: Maybe it has to do with that flying saucer
 over there?
A: Hold on this might not be as bad as it seems
L: What do you mean?
R: We'll miss the con!
L: What are you on?
R: We're in a tractor beam!
R: Luis looked down and marvelled
 at the endless rows of corn
L: "That's a lot of corn!"
A: And Rand beaped out the rhythm
 the theme of Close Encounters on the horn
R: Adam was trying to teach his fingers what to do
L: "Na noo!  Na noo!"
A: As we docked aboard what appeared to be
 an interstellar zoo
R: I turned the car off and we timidly disembarked
L: "We're double parked!"
A: Gaping bewilderedly around this cosmic Noah's Ark
R: And that's when Adam walked away without a glance
L: I peed my pants
A: I couldn't help it
 I was in some kind of weird hypnotic trance
A: I woke up in a room with candles lit and muzak on
A: I was lying on a bed with nothing
 but my tube socks on
A: I saw a shapely silhouette in the door
L: She was a ten!
R: An alien!
A: I was stiffer than Al Gore
A: We didn't have a common culture or a common tongue
A: We didn't have a thing in common
 as I've already sung
A: We didn't have an ounce of mutual respect
All: But we had sex
All: We had sex
All: Sex
All: We had sex
R: And then a hooded stranger took me by the hand
L: "Don't leave me Rand!"
A: But Rand just followed
 knowing that Luis would understand
R: She asked me if I wanted latte or Darjeeling tea
L: "I'm thirsty!"
A: They quickly saw they had compatible personalities
R: We had the same opinions
 we shared the same philosophy
R: We had the same Snoopy lunchbox
 we watched the same shows on TV
R: We both liked movies with cheap special effects
A&L: But we did not have sex
R: ("She said she just wanted to stay friends")
A&L: We did not have sex
R: ("She said she'd write me but she never did")
A&L: No sex
R: ("She gave me her phone number
 but when I called it it was a laundromat")
A&L: We did not have sex
A: With Rand and Adam gone Luis was all alone
L: "E.T. phone home!"
R: He was in the dark
 and all he could hear was Adam moan
A: Things were looking grim
 for the drummer of Ookla the Mok
L: "Help me Spock!"
R" Next thing he knew Luis was on all fours
 stripped to his jock
L: I was more scared than I had ever been
 in all my life
L: I didn't want to spend the next forty years
 as E.T.'s wife
A: Well maybe this isn't quite as bad as it seems...
L: At least yours was a female!
A&R: And they had sex
L: ("Mine was a huge purple guy")
A&R: They had sex
L: ("And he had this huge, long... ANTENNAE")
A&R: Sex
L: ("And these bulging, humongous... EARS")
A&R: They had sex
L: ("It was horrible... I'm never doing that again!")
A: It ended just as quickly as it had begun
L: You mean YOU'RE done
R: It was more confusing than the ending of 2001
A: I had a good time
R: And I gained a friend
L: It was a bad joke but I got it in the end