Lee Evans The Suicide Song
there was a young man from gosham
who took out his bollocks to wash em
his wife said "jack if you don't put them back, ill stand on the bastards and squash em"
took a bottle of sleeping pills
nothing really happened not untill
i felt slighty unstable, after looking at the label
they were my wife hormone replacement pills
and my voice went up a semi-turn
and now you can call me joan, and i've lost half a stone
i'm happy, go lucky, things come easy to me
and it's getting me down, i just wanner be six feet under ground.
i jumped from a bridge, but what i did not invisage
as i neared the ground, there was a tightening sound,
i caught my braces on the side of the f..cking bridge.
and i shot up and down again twice,
i felt revitalised,
it was probably the best time i have had in all my f..cking life.
oh yes, im happy go lucky.
things come easy to me, and quite frankly its getting me down,
i just want to be six feet under ground.
i tired cutting me wrists, i tired but i missed
i caught myself somewhere else instead,
in fact right between me legs,
i now i go and see a gynaecologist
and they tried to stich it back on,
but they did it all wrong,
and now it points in a funny direction,
no striaght up!!!