Now they make new movies in old black and white 
With happy endings, where nobody fights 
So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage 
Honey, jump right up and show your age 

Chorus: 
I wish I had a pencil thin mustache 
The "Boston Blackie" kind 
A two toned Ricky Ricardo jacket 
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine 

I remember bein' buck-toothed and skinny 
Writin' fan letters to Sky's niece Penny 
Oh I wish I had a pencil thin mustache 
Then I could solve some mysteries too 

Then it's Bandstand, Disneyland, growin' up fast 
Drinkin' on a fake I.D. 
Yeah, and Rama of the jungle was everyone's Bawana 
But only jazz musicians were smokin' marijuana 
Yeah, I wish I had a pencil thin mustache 
Then I could solve some mysteries too 

Then it's flat top, dirty bob, coppin' a feel 
Grubbin' on the livin' room floor (so sore) 
Yeah, they send you off to college, try to gain a little knowledge, 
But all you want to do is learn how to score 

Yeah, but now I'm gettin' old, don't wear underwear 
I don't go to church and I don't cut my hair 
But I can go to movies and see it all there 
Just the way that it used to be 

Chorus: 
That's why I wish I had a pencil thin mustache 
The "Boston Blackie" kind 
A two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket 
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine 

Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be 
Maybe suave Errol Flynn or the Sheik of Araby 
If I only had a pencil thin mustache 
Then I could do some cruisin' too 

Coda: 
Yeah, Bryl-cream, a little dab'll do yah 
Oh, I could do some cruisin' too